How Super Mario Land TRIGGERS You!


This game is way too short. There’s only 12 levels! Why is everything so tiny? This is on a gameboy, where the screen is already small. Mario’s physics are so wonky. The jumps have inconsistent momentum, and when you fall, YOU FALL like a brick The fireballs are horrible. You can only throw one at a time, and they bounce around for like 5 years if you don’t hit an enemy. Why on earth is the star music the “Kan-Kan”? [Music] I like how the goombas just look like skeleton heads now. The koopa-troopas are puny! It’s so easy to take a hit because you dont land on JUST the right pixel. Also they explode when you touch them. Why? Oh my god, YOU CAN’T GO BACKWARDS! If you get a game over, you start ALL over again. Unless you’ve scored 100,000 points. Then you can get 1 continue. Wow, what a deal. Uh, ok. Well, that was a pretty short game. Guess i’ve already saved princess daisy? Uh, OH COME ON! Ok, there we go. Now, I think i’ve saved her. Unless she’s, OH MY FRICKIN GOD! Ok, this is it, this HAS to be the real daisy. Why would there be so many fakes of the same per- O WHY?? You know when you finish a mario level and you get to slide down the flagpole? It’s so cool, isn’t it? Well in mario land, mario just walks through a door. That’s it. Every boss is way too easy. For the first guy, you literally just JUMP over him. The second one, you can hold right and avoid him entirely, The third one you can just damage boost through, And the final boss has a really easy pattern! Why are the one ups little hearts? Like I know that’s nit-picky, but come on. I’m playing a mario game! Not zelda. So I love playing with the submarine and the plane. They’re really fun levels, and it’s a good change of pace. But when you get hit, why does the vehicle get shrunk with you? Look at how giant these spiders are! [Shudders] Why is mario jumping on humans? That just ain’t right. And I can’t get these coins! The gap is too smol! Ok, alright thats interesting. It looks like mario went to world 2 with a spaceship. If he has a ship, why can’t he just fly the rest of the game? Oh good! Glad I knew about this tiny invisible block! The names of these bosses are rediculous. The sphynx is called: The sea dragon is: The easter island head is: And the cloud is: Oh god my eyes! It hurts! Why do bullet bill cannons pop out of pipes? I didn’t realize I was playing super mario maker. If you think about it, the flies and tarantulas are basically the same enemy except Just reskinned. Their behaviors are identical. Honestly, the final boss is pretty anti-climatic. Like, you start by shooting a cloud that shoots birds at ya. Then this guy pops out in a spaceship and its just like, eh. Why do people think luigi and daisy are a thing? Mario just saved this woman from this guy, And now they’re flying away in a spaceship. All alone. Yeah mario gets around honestly. He’s got peach, daisy, and mayor Pauline. god damn BECOME UNTRIGGERED 😀

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