Video Game Magazines – Angry Video Game Nerd (AVGN)


[♪ Item Room – “Super Metroid” ♪] AVGN: ASSSSSSSSS! [Iconic guitar riff kicks in.] [Followed by drums.] ♫ He’s gonna take you back to the past! ♫ ♫ To play the shitty games that suck ass! ♫ ♫ He’d rather have… ♫ ♫ A buffalo… ♫ ♫ Take a diarrhea dump in his ear! ♫ ♫ He’d rather eat… ♫ ♫ The rotten asshole… ♫ ♫ Of a roadkilled skunk, and down it with beer! ♫ ♫ He’s the angriest gamer you’ve ever heard! ♫ ♫ He’s the Angry Nintendo Nerd! ♫ ♫ He’s the Angry Atari/Sega Nerd! ♫ ♫ He’s the Angry Video Game Nerd! ♫ Yeah, when you were a kid in the ’80s, and especially the ’90s, it was all about runnin’ out to the mailbox, to find that new issue of that video game, magazine, ’cause there was tons of ’em! They were filled with AWESOME stuff: previews for upcoming games, new consoles, walkthroughs, codes, and reviews. In the past, I’ve talked about Nintendo Power, so it’s about time I talk about the others. Some were about the brands and the consoles like: Atari Age, but others were more generic, like: Game Pro and Electronic Gaming Monthly. And even into the millennium, we had Retro Throwback magazines, like: Video Game Collector. Heh, look at that guy! What a nerd. In today’s age, you can look up ANYTHING about games you want on the internet: walkthroughs, cheats, reviews, previews, whatever! Back in the day, if you wanted to know if a game sucked, or how to find a secret, or get an “infinite lives” code, you had to wait for one of these to come out monthly. Well, let’s start with the oldest magazine I have. “Atari Age”. They came free, with a subscription to the “Atari Club”. They were pretty short reads, too – only about 15 pages each. And they were all printed in Center City, Philadelphia. They didn’t give much insight on if the game sucked. They were mainly filled with fluff pieces about new games to buy, and some articles. But then again, this was Atari’s official magazine, so whaddya expect? I mean, Nintendo Power did the same thing. Remember it said, “Back to the Future had that distinct LJN style”?! The first issue of Atari Age has an awful interview, with none other than… …Pac-Man. Filled with awful “Pac” puns. Pac-Man says: “I had what you’d call a well-rounded education.” AVGN: …Oh, boy… [continues reading] “I was involved in high school dramatics — I played the lead in Central High’s production of ‘Man of la Muncher'”? AVGN: Huh…? Pac-Man: “I did more acting in college — mostly theatre-in-the-ROUND productions.” AVGN: Oh, come on! Oh, I love this issue, right here. “E.T.” on the cover. Might as well just had a sign that says, “The End is Near”. Atari Age also had some cool ‘Do-It-Yourself” type articles, teaching you how to fix joysticks, and even how to make your own left-handed joystick. Overall, a fun magazine to pass the time, or read on the shitter. Later with the rise of Nintendo and Sega more, magazines began popping up. They expanded their coverage and became more in-depth. So, here we have “Game Player’s Magazine”, “Video Games & Computer Entertainment” — well, that’s a good one. “GamePro” and “Electronic Gaming Monthly”. Game Player’s started out as “Game Player’s Strategy Guide to Nintendo Games”. It’s basically a knock-off of Nintendo Power, but it’s unofficial and has nowhere near the quality. Just look at these screenshots! I understand capturing game footage, back then, wasn’t as easy as it is now, but… …Look at this shit! Looks like… they took the picture with a Polaroid, then photocopied it 50 times! And the covers are usually just the box art from whatever game they’re covering. Sometimes, they’re all over the place. Look at this! They basically took whatever video games stereotypes they could, and slap them on the front. What game does this represent? Okay, this guy — he looks like Rad Spencer from Bionic Commando, mixed with Matthew McConaughey… Why is there a kid doin’ a handplant on his shoulder? Skater Kid looks just as confused as I do. Okay. THIS, might be the worst cover I’ve ever seen. “Super Mario 3”. Apparently, I can’t even tell what I’m lookin’ at! What is that thing?! What is that thi— It looks like a mangled Easter egg or somethin’! Holy shit, I mean [stammering] th-th-th-they didn’t even try! You have what looks like Wario in the corner, and someone must’ve sneezed all over the print. The only thing that could possibly indicate that this is a Mario cover… ….are the words! Imagine if you couldn’t read! You wouldn’t have ANY idea what this was supposed to be! You-you wouldn’t even know, what it is! I mean, you just be sittin’ there, tryna to figure out what this… puked out, pastel, piss picture, is! One thing that really twists my asshole is the sheer number of ads. The same 1-900 number shows up three times in the same issue. Look at this face. Yeah, laugh it up while you can, kid. Your dad’s gonna flip shit when he sees a $500 fuckin’ phone bill! I swear every other page is an ad! Look, ad… Ad… Ad…! AD! AAAD! AAAAAAAAAADDD!!! Look at this, a picture of burnt toast that’s so big it takes up more than a page! I don’t get it! I don’t get it! The sad thing is I’ve reviewed most of the games advertised. There’s ads for Hydlide, Super Hydlide, Street Fighter 2010, Silver Surfer, Tiger Electronics Simon’s Quest, Tiger Electronic Ninja Gaiden, Kid Kool, the Power Glove and even Bugs Bunny’s Crazy Castle. The most frequent ads I’ve seem to come across are shitty joysticks. There’s tons of ’em! Shitty joysticks, shitty joysticks, shitty joysticks, everywhere! I don’t get it! Was there somethin’ wrong with the controllers that came with the system? Whoa, lookie here! The “U-Force”! Are joysticks a thing of the past? I hope not! Seeing as most these ads are for JOYSTICKS! They tryna put themselves out of business? Not to mention, they all suck ass through a crazy straw. I like to call these: “Shitty Friend Controllers”, because they were the controllers your shitty friend would make you use. Another thing I love are the ads for the most stupid, useless shit! Like, look at this! “Gaming gloves”. They’re basically, fingerless gloves. Except with a thumb. Could you imagine being that guy? Showing up to your friend’s house with these stupid neon Batman gloves? Was holding a Nintendo controller, REALLY so bad that… [shrugs] he needed protective equipment? Ugh… Oh, but it gets worse! Here you go! The “Thumb Master”! It’s basically a bright purple, uhhh… …cushioned condom… for your thumb. But it eliminates “Video Thumb”! Have you ever, in your life, suffered from video-thumb? Well, maybe Silver Surfer — one of those games where you need a Turbo Controller, and when you do, your thumb will thank you. “Thank you!” Now, these guys know how to make an ad, right here! It’s a dude gettin’ his nuts kicked in! Why?! Wh-wh-wh-why did they do this? This is a real ad! He’s kickin’ him in the balls! This one says, “We Took Some Of The Worst Garbage On TV And Turned It Into A—” [burst of laughter] “And Turned Into A… Great Video Game”! Yeah, I bet! Here’s an ad for a “”Game Boy Light”. What really weirds me out is the kid in the back of the car… no seat belt, or anything. What’s even crazier, is in later magazines, they replace this ad with real-life people. They put this kid’s life in danger, just to sell a shitty Game Boy Light. Oh! Look at that! An ad for aligned Game Boy shit from… “STD”. Yeah, like how the word, “handy”, is in quotes. Yeah, they just knew they were jerkin’ off. Speaking of STDs and being “handy”, there were tons of REALLY adult ads out there, too. Just look at some of these! “Kick Some Balls”, “Monster Bone”, “Pray for a full frontal assault”, “Size Does Matter”, and of course, the “Sega Dick”. PSM even did a swimsuit special. What were they thinking?! The articles range from… “interesting and useful”, to “downright idiotic”. One of the best features was the walkthroughs. Like, right here; they hand-drew all the levels from Super Mario Land on Game Boy. THAT’S pretty cool. And here’s a walkthrough of RoboCop 2 on NES. Man, I wish I had found this when I reviewed it last year. That game made me want to get my dick shot off by RoboCop. Here’s a letter from a kid who has a sister named, “Dhalsim”. He actually sent in her birth certificate to prove it! Hopefully, it was a copy. Here, they talk about the Home Alone games, and even promote the upcoming movie sequel and “the Home Alone Phenomenon”. Yeah, such a phenomenon; you know th—that that guy, right there? He turned out to be a pizza boy. The reviews are always a major part of these magazines. They gave kids the insight on which games were worth their money, and which ones they should avoid, like the fuckin’ plague. But sometimes, these recommendations, are REALLY off the mark. Like, right here. Contra III — a game revered as a classic one, of the best side-scrolling shooters on the Super Nintendo, and… they gave it… …7s. Then look at this shit! Terminator 2? On the NES? A game that’s total shit, and it’s got “8”, a “9”, a “7”, and “8”! Are you kidding me?! Terminator 2 on NES, has better scores than Contra III?! Yeah, I mean, th—that’s like sayin’ I—I… tasted a shit-flavored ice cream. And I gave it, uh… “10 out of 10”! It was good, trust me. That’s not the only shit thought highly of. Here’s Double Dragon III. It’s fun factor… …has a. Perfect. Score. [8-bit music] [low tone] No way! No, way! They included… the Bimmy and Jimmy screenshot! Well, at least the caption has the correct name. Believe it or not, there existed a magazine… for the Amiga. CD. 32. The crazy thing, is that the magazine kept coming out, LONG after they stopped making the system. And look at this! They gave GLOOM, a 92 out of a hundred?! Thankfully, my CD32 is safely [louder tone] burning in Hell, where it belongs! [Bowser’s laugh ala Super Mario 64] Man, the memories. It’s fun to read these knowing, how the technology evolved. They covered the breakthrough of laser discs, virtual reality, and all the new types of controllers. Here’s the shitty Sega activator. Damn. This guy could give Keith Apicary a run for his money. A lot of these magazines CAME with technology, some being bundled with diskettes and demo CDs. For the April issues, GamePro would have a parody section, “LamePro”. This was fun to read. I love “Bubonic the Blowfrog” and his pal, “Snails”. Yeah, it was stupid, but back then, it was just cool to see people in the gaming industry making fun of games. Here’s a piece about “The Ultimate Gamer”. This guy’s no joke. He makes my Nintendo suit look like a cheap Halloween costume. Here’s “The Top Four Got Video Game Babes”! And for the ladies “The Top Four Got Video Game Hunks”! The artwork was always great. Well, not always, but sometimes. Oh, in this picture, this kid’s holdin’ a ninja star [Shuriken], and whippin’ out a yo-yo, right as he’s about to be brutally murdered by a Skeleton! Oh, and then check out this picture of Godzilla and… Kinda-King-Kong. And they’re both really shiny, for some reason. This picture — I don’t know what is goin’ on. It’s just hideous. When it came to drawing Link, for some reason, they always had a problem. Here he is, on the cover of Nintendo Strategies. At least I think it’s him. Oh, and this Link looks more like a villain than a hero. He’s pretty scary! Zelda’s just over there, chillin’ with Agahnim. She doesn’t even look like she wants to be saved. Yeah, she’s probably horrified by Link’s demon spawn face! This one’s not so bad, but Link looks really pissed. And this one here, it’s like Tim Allen playing Link! [Tim Allen’s signature “EEEHHHHH?!”] Here’s some fanart! Some of it, is really amazing! But some of it, as you can see, it’s shit. And I know that’s not nice, because it’s probably some young kid who drew it, but the kid’s grown up, now, so he could handle it; it’s shit! Just flipping through these magazines, it’s like opening up a time capsule. You just can’t go wrong. So, let’s end with, a “Top 6”. It’s “The Nerd’s Top 5 Most ’90s Moments in Gaming Magazines”! “Number 5”: “Crime Wave”, LOOK at this scene! I mean, LOOK at this! Okay, you have this guy screamin’! And then you have this guy, with these cool shades, and then this girl who looks like she’s fallin’ asleep or somethin’… Is this Dan from “Street Fighter: Alpha”? There’s this guy with a backwards hat, wearin’ pajamas, carryin’ a fuckin’ gun! And then on the ground! There’s all this money, and guns, and bullets, and… cocaine?! Yeah, in the text, they’re talkin’ about drugs! It’s cocaine! In a gaming magazine! “Number 4”: This gang, right here. You got this badass, biker granny, This bowtie-wearin’ nerd, this cool gamer kid, this punk-ass, mohawk motherfucker, and then this valley girl sitcom star, and then a bulldog with the same sunglasses as the kid?! And, it’s all for… …a Pictionary game. Yeah, “Pictionary”. “Number 3”: An ad for… “Socks the Cat?” “Rocks the Hill”? You got Bill Clinton jammin’ on the sax, and Socks the Cat comin’ out with this real badass-lookin’ grin! What the hell?! And this is for a real game?! Now, that’s ’90s as fuck! “Number Two”: Wow! Wow, look at this kid! He’s sayin’, “ASSSSSSSSS!” I mean, look at this! He’s just cruisin’ through the galaxy, surfin’ through space with those badass sunglasses, and knee pads, and that… Tiger Electronic Game of Narc. Yeah! Motherfuckin’ ’90s! And at last, “Number 1”: All these glorious, goddamn mullets! Business in the front, party in the back! The iconic haircut of the decade! You wanna look like a bad motherfucker that plays real hard, guzzles Jolt Cola and watches nothin’ but MTV, you gotta roll 1090, my dude! That’s 10% up front, 90 ’round back! Look at this Jo Cool ‘sumbitch! That’s a guy who knows all the tips and tricks! Yeeeaaah! Motherfuck! [Hardcore rock music plays in the background]

100 comments

  • Cinemassacre

    There wasn't an AVGN episode in February… so we're going to release two in April. Our goal is to upload one or two episodes a month from now on. Sorry for the delay. Oh, and just in case you missed it, we covered Kingdom Hearts in January: https://youtu.be/-LpJnN9Imbg Thanks for watching.

    Reply
  • R Moocher

    Socks the cat was an unreleased 1993 SNES game, until last year. Apperently it's shit. The nerd should review it, lol

    Reply
  • AndresCube64

    That’s a lot of magazines

    Reply
  • Lin Zhu

    Now, the dog in 13:25 is hilarious。

    Reply
  • RR PLAN C

    2:43 : Sphera CUM laude

    Reply
  • Tonnimon85

    the tim allen link made me lol

    Reply
  • T sorozat

    Ooooooooboyyyyyyyyyyyyxyyyy

    Reply
  • Grand Tickler

    lol i miss these magezines man..

    Reply
  • Rob Rudd

    Reviews have always been jacked up. Nowadays you get reviews like IGN’s for “Alien: Isolation.” 😐

    Reply
  • Nick Weiss

    Greatest intro sequence yet, literally spit out my beer when I saw the double beer cymbal crash, absolutely hilarious

    Reply
  • Jacob Walsh

    5:05 when your trying to watch on youtube

    Reply
  • Maxwell Lynch

    What episode was it when AVGN said Nintendo 64 in the bathroom?

    Reply
  • John Maldonado

    That throwback intro though 😌

    Reply
  • Gamer Dad

    Hey! The psn swim suit special was actually pretty good. I have great memories with it

    Reply
  • KootenaiKing

    @6:49. I didn't know they talked about thumb condoms in these gamer magazines.

    Reply
  • Al James

    None of these mags look as good as 'Crash' for the ZX Spectrum (or the later spin-off 'ZZap' for C64) from the 80's
    I wish i'd kept all mine….

    Reply
  • Jam Man

    DUDE, JAMES IS SUBSCRIBED TO SOMECALLMEJOHNNY!

    Reply
  • Jim Thompson

    Video thumb : is real. Any hardcore gamer has had it for a game that sucked them in. 2 examples in my career are Diablo III and Forza 4. To be fair, I was a manual with clutch transmission player so I put myself to the test. Just wanted to share that…with the AVGN..

    Reply
  • Matt Parr

    The theme guitar, bass and snare sounds way more beefy now.

    Reply
  • BasManPlays

    3:35 og bmo grom adventure time

    Reply
  • Ultra verse

    i'm stuck in survivor mode

    Reply
  • M K

    I think the gloves are for when you go to your friends house and they hand you the controller and its all sticky.

    Reply
  • Fran MG

    5:46 la musica de la faraona jajaja

    Reply
  • DrMarioFan

    Anyone else wanna bring up the fact the nerd just
    browsed at a unreleased Snes game? (Socks the Cat)

    Reply
  • Isaac Contreras

    How come I always end up watching avgns videos any time I watch YouTube

    Reply
  • Colin Clark

    Ahhh I still remember the massive amount of speccy, c64 etc mags in Britain in the 80s with their cover tapes often with full games (if they worked) and 500 page long BASIC programs to type in your own game that would also invariably fail to work….good times…

    Reply
  • Tyrantrum The Mewtwo slayer

    This video predicted the gameboy video.

    Reply
  • Nicholas Lienandjaja

    11:43: Oh hi there, Lonk!

    Reply
  • Adrien Brasseur

    Avgn still a classic now this day

    Reply
  • Art yom

    11:41 lol what the actual fuck

    Reply
  • eventyraren

    Was That BMO from adventure time at 3:34

    Reply
  • Talon One

    Every other page a huge ad and reviews that are completely arbitrary with blatantly wrong scores?
    Huh. Games press always was crap, I see.

    Reply
  • Brainhorn

    A left handed Atari joystick? Couldn't you just rotate it?

    Reply
  • vjpearce

    13:08 On the far right. Isn't that Jane from Plummers don't wear ties?

    Reply
  • Zero Saber

    I miss the mullet age

    Reply
  • Hill Krowns

    Skater kid is surely the guy from Skate or Die.

    Reply
  • Hunter Chambless

    On 11:38 the background is just the beginning cutseane from dragons lair.

    Reply
  • Chad Downs

    I used to get hard core video thumb when I was playing Street Fighter 2!

    Reply
  • Temas&Historias

    So, video game journalism hasnt change at all, just moved of to another medium.

    Reply
  • Goldfire345

    I can imagine that thumb cover being useful for the new 3ds xl c nub cause it's easier to use when you've got fabric over your thumb

    Reply
  • NathanTheAsian

    Nice reference at the beginning.

    Reply
  • Zero Cool

    That one Link looks like Patton Oswald.

    Reply
  • 1214 Alpha

    4:15 Mario's tail?

    Reply
  • GeneralCane

    Hey, those PSM swimsuit editions piqued my little adolescent mind, not gonna lie.

    Reply
  • Nomnomnomiana

    The handy joy Lol

    Reply
  • Kevin Marsh

    I'm almost 33 and I used to collect xbox magazines and before that nentendo power

    Reply
  • Kevin Marsh

    Nope no video thumb

    Reply
  • Kevin Marsh

    STD what kind of name for a company is that lol

    Reply
  • BushDette

    If you didn't get the reference at the beginning, please leave

    Reply
  • Мигель Дошик

    Teach Russian Words, With AVGN!
    Hell- Ад
    Repeat with nerd in 5:06

    Reply
  • Alex

    Ooohh! I love the classic intro song!

    Reply
  • Joshua Reyes

    died at the Super Mario 3 part

    Reply
  • 차송

    ASSSSSSSS

    Reply
  • parris bouyea

    5:10 is literally YouTube 2019 in a nutshell

    Reply
  • K-leb

    No episode number in the title anymore?

    Reply
  • Willie B

    PAYS HOMAGE TO THE CLASSIC MAGAZINE VIDEO OPENING!!! AAASSSSSS!!!

    Reply
  • hi

    5:05 me trying to watch YouTube videos

    Reply
  • ALVARO LLANAS

    14:16 THE SINGER CAMILO SESTO!!!

    Reply
  • Burrak Jackson

    That hairline tho

    Reply
  • Victor Mario Jurado Gutierrez

    I'm Biiiimmy…. I'm Biiimmy….

    Reply
  • bassx101

    7:00 it's a think, I used to not get a numb thumb, but the crease near the bottom of the thumb, on snes controllers I would get blisters ocasionally

    Reply
  • Julio Víctor Manuel Schaeffer Manrique

    5:04: sounds like E3 nowadays.

    Reply
  • Kenneth Matthew

    I love the playstation magazine because it had great demos. I know you can download demos, but like old fashion cable, it was a surprise to get a demo of a game you may have overlooked or like cable, a movie or show you may have forgotten was great

    Reply
  • Anonymous Black

    They didn't even check their facts for "video thumb." It's called gamer's thumb. And instead of using that purple condom-like thing, Just use a normal splint or tape.

    Reply
  • Levi Skardsen

    I laughed at the made up names for Terry's moves at 1:15.

    Reply
  • Absolute Zero

    12:06 If you check on the top right you can see one of the cursed emoji memes

    Reply
  • Lillian Pumpernickel

    The intro was a great callback

    Reply
  • Want - Diverse Content

    4:19 blue tanooki suit tail
    I only recognized it the second time looking.

    Reply
  • Zack Lunas

    The intro reminded me of a simpler time when Death Battle wasn't the only thing that existed on ScrewAttack!

    Reply
  • 陈陈慧萌

    这人真恶心

    Reply
  • Donald Trump

    We need a joystick episode

    Reply
  • Your Big Head Cousin

    The mohawk in the Pictionary add was in Crocodile Dundee Pt 2. Mick throws his big ass knife at his head.

    Reply
  • Prince Roshak

    (thats the the guy who knows all the tips and tricks.yeahhhhh)

    Omg😂😂😂

    Reply
  • Xbox1 Addict

    "He's saying ASSSSSSSSSS"😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂

    Reply
  • Rory Mowat

    4:50
    me watching 10 minute videos be like

    Reply
  • Kazuya Satomi

    I’d love to own these magazines ( Some of them)

    Reply
  • Baddawg 313

    Bro. Remember "Tips & Tricks"

    Reply
  • FrankDad

    Cheats were always pay to win. In order to get a code, you needed to pay for a magazine subscription with a credit card.

    Reply
  • GAMER z

    i thought nerds are for studies but i never knew games can have nerds too

    Reply
  • ValensBellator

    8:03
    Apologies to the sega Saturn, but I’d really like for those screenshots to move the heck to the side.

    Reply
  • Jack _

    Ah yeah. The British Amiga and Commodore scene is much deeper than you realize.

    Reply
  • Michael Helin

    Please, start numbering the episodes again!

    Reply
  • Legoboy 01

    Yeah when I played ps4

    Reply
  • Grow Slow

    This is my favorite episode of The Frustrated Electronic Entertainment Geek.

    Reply
  • Chad Judd

    Just curious why you referenced Mckauly Kaulkin, or however you spell his name, as a pizza boy? I have an idea as to why you threw that out there, but curious if you did. Was it a one off? Did he tell you to say that? Inquiring minds would like to know….

    Reply
  • Clayton Lassiter

    They all suck ass…through a crazy straw…-
    AVGN

    Reply
  • Aaron Comeaux

    4:19
    James: that looks like a mangled Easter egg

    Me: that’s bc it’s an Easter Eggplant🍆

    Magazine: I was alive before internet

    Reply
  • YourTechGuy

    He is subbed to Johnny, nice

    Reply
  • lucas munerati

    I love the good 90s
    Not the Demon and garbage 90s

    Reply
  • Kamau Thornton

    Me when I watch a YouTube video
    5:06

    Reply
  • Petr Sedlacek

    5:14 AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAD!

    Reply
  • Petr Sedlacek

    Shitty Joy-Sticks.

    Reply
  • Daddy Trump

    Die Hard Gamefan was the best mag back in the day

    Reply
  • Tadashi Yoshida - 作家

    14:30 that's Mr. Beast before he started his YouTube career

    Reply
  • Edvard Bolaas

    9:22 is it just me or did James burp the "A" in "a seven"?

    Reply
  • Peter Panda

    Youtube in 2019 @ 5:02 !

    Reply
  • Jared Burke

    Ultimate Gamer? I believe that title belongs to a certain danganronpa 2 character

    Reply
  • Shubham Gupta

    Missed the opportunity to put up an ad right after the ad rant.

    Reply
  • K-leb

    I thought the mullet was iconic of the 80s, not the 90s.

    Reply
  • Ben twd

    Is this a part 2 to the old video

    Reply

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *